If I made a grand for each time that I heard the phrase "someone has it worse than you," I probably wouldn't be composing. I would be on a island somewhere with no internet and no arseholes and alive like a king dressed like Robinson fucking Crusoe!

Yes, there are individuals who have it worse than I do, however there's nothing I could do to them when the damaging wave of my mental illness sweeps me up and smashes my helpless mind against the eroding stones of my destroyed life. Consider that for a minute. As analogies go, that is almost like beating a homeless man to death with a bag full of cash. That's not far from the current tone by which society sets its criteria.

But it's not the the world depresses me. It will, but it is not the reason behind my disease. Some of us are just built wrong. Their biological contraptions are not made to survive or they suffer faulty wiring. I guess that the latter is me and as a result I probably care more than I need to when I have it in me to care. But depression for one is not just about feeling bad. babes Most frequently I feel nothing at all other than a continuous feeling like I am being crushed slowly to babes death.

And the amusing thing about living with anxiety and depression is that what breaks at once, both your mind and your body suffer exactly the same aching sense of hopelessness and the longer you live with it, the harder it's for messages to get back and forth between them both. I'm a zombie.

I am barely more than thirty and I've lived with it since my last years in high school. Until recently there wasn't much that did function. The majority of the time I felt as a warm corpse, wearing the frightening novelty of carrying up a lot of my mum's money, patience, time and space. And then on the better days I felt as though I was twenty five to thirty years older ahead of my time.

Merely to give you an notion about what I have lived with since my mid-teens, I have been suicidal on and off; thankfully largely off, in terms of urges. A few days your mind has a voice of its own and your feelings seem utterly alien. If you don't do exactly what that person says, it is going to look for a means to behave without your cooperation and that is a frightening thing - particularly when it shows you just how helpless you babes (his comment is here) can be against it.